White and Black suffer racism health hazard

 

In 1996 -2000, I carried out an extensive research on racism against Africans in multicultural churches in few cities in the Netherlands. I did research in Amsterdam, Rotterdam and Den Haag, to mention few. I did not publish the result because it was shocking to me and all more than 300 respondents. This includes pastors, board members of parishes and other key figures of the church communities. Afterwards, I served many years as pastoral worker in the cities of Amsterdam, Rotterdam, and Haarlem. It was then I saw the health hazard of racism on the victims. This health hazard caused by racism on African diaspora, was a reason for my choosing to work as spiritual caregiver. There was no place for them to have the right mental support. As spiritual caregiver, I can reach those who are not in my church community. It gave me the chance to meet them in the city instead of those few that comes to church. I also have the opportunity to meet the leaders of their church communities and other communities.

 

In December 2020, I wrote an article published in NieuwWij. You can read the link in Dutch https://www.nieuwwij.nl/achtergrond/godian-ejiogu-ziet-verstikkend-racisme-en-trekt-aan-de-bel/.

 

In that article I raised the alarm of stifling racism as confessed by a white lady who married with an African man. Her story is not exceptional. I have heard many of such stories from white people both men and women. Their individual stories are not known. The families does not take it lightly. It is still a big taboo.

From my daily practice, I hear stories of people who are victims of racism in the Netherlands. It is important to hear that both white and black suffers racism. It was new for me to discover that racism at home is more harmful than racism outside your home. That is why I want to share this message. What Meghan and Harry did during their interview with Oprah Winfrey, was not easy. They are not exceptional. It is really not easy to live in such a situation. As an example, here is the experience of a middle-aged white woman who got into a relationship with an African for over twenty years. Her life was destroyed.

People die in silence, often naturally but caused by racism.

 

Below I share the shocking story of the middle-aged white Dutch woman who married a black man from Africa.

 

“As a young woman, I got into a relationship with a man from Africa. I knew it would be difficult to tell my family, especially my mother. I managed to convince my brothers to support me in the relationship. But how could I tell my mother? I imagined that my father might be accommodating. After three months in the most loving and caring relationship of my life, I devised a strategy to tell my parents. First, I had to get the support of my girlfriends who knew my mother. Then I got the support of my brothers and their wives. Though, they have their reservations in supporting me. Then I told my parents.

 

My mother reacted as if she wanted to kill me. Her disappointment in me was very painful for me. She wondered what went wrong in my upbringing that made me to chose a relationship with the lowest in the human race. When I heard her opinion of Africans, I wondered if she was my mother. I could not imagine that I came from her. Because I was her only daughter and my father and my brothers and friends initially supported me, her anger focused entirely on my friend. She confronted him with all kinds of negative stories and images about people from both the Middle East and Africa. They were all said to be violent, dangerous to women, practice polygamy, take children hostage and kill them, and circumcise women. My friend had to swear that he was not involved in these things.

 

When my mother failed and had no support from my father, she told him she would get me back if my boyfriend or my father died. While this was going on in the first two years of my relationship, I got pregnant on purpose to end the situation. Only after four months did I tell my parents about the pregnancy. I hided it because I was afraid of being forced to have the child aborted. Moreover, I knew that my boyfriend would never tolerate abortion because he is a committed Christian. When my mother learned about the pregnancy, she made it clear to me that no African bloodline is accepted in her family. My mother was then a deacon in a Protestant church. My father was also well known in that church because he sings in the choir.

 

In short, I had gorgeous and handsome children, intelligent and strong. When my father became ill, my mother told me to get rid of my husband and the children. That was after fifteen years of marriage. She let me know that there should be no trace of African blood in her bloodline. That’s when I realized how deep it was with her. I had hoped she would get over it.

When my father died, I was excommunicated from all family connections and the family’s circle of friends until I end the ties with my husband and children. I was deprived any form of inheritance in the family. That was really hurting. My family promised me a fortune if I correct my “evil mistake.” I felt like a criminal. The financial issue was a game changer for me. My family applied the power of money.

 

I was hoping for support for my relationship with my African husband from my work in local government, but the opposite was true. The white neighbors on the street where I lived did not support it. The shocking discovery of the broad base of support for the hatred of black people made me mentally ill. My husband and children were seen as the lowest category in humanity, floating somewhere between animals and humans.

 

I was desperate. I thought about burning myself with my husband and children like the family in Hoofddorp did in 2011. Furthermore, I didn’t have the courage. The attitude of the family and the system made me think I was just like my mother and all the others who hate black people. The psychologist, the psychiatrist, and other mental professionals did not correct me sufficiently in this. They even thought that I have a disorder that made me marry an African man.

I felt my resilience against racism broken. I joined the majority in the culture against black people. Furthermore, I had to emotionally distance myself from my children and reject them completely. Not only that, but I literally cut the umbilical cord between me and them. At the same time, thanks to the system, their father was prevented from having a relationship with them. He would get in the way of their integration.

 

Due to the situation, the beautiful and handsome children were damaged by the long lasting physical and mental pressure. This means that they could not develop properly physically and mentally due to isolation, sustained stress, psychological and other forms of abuse. I hoped they would die a natural death. All of this was done under the sight and support of government agencies. My son tried to commit suicide several times, but was unsuccessful. The children developed strange health problems. From my husband I am now divorced.

 

The morality I had before, which kept me from doing what my family wanted, is gone. My heart is insensitive to my bond and feelings for my children, whom I now see as unwanted aliens. I tried to commit suicide to end this nightmare for my then husband and my children. I feel like a criminal from all sides. Against my family I am a criminal and against my children and my ex-husband I am a criminal. I felt like one who committed a war crime.

 

For me, it is too late to correct my “mistake” of having children with an African man. I know there are other white women in the Netherlands who have this shocking experience and discovery. Your child is born healthy, but helplessly disabled because of his or her African bloodline. A disability for which there is no empathy or sympathy whatsoever. No form of help is offered either. You encounter hatred and rejection. You see that your child has no future and realize that the rest of his life is suffering. Not only that, but you do not wish your child unprecedented injustice and suffering throughout his or her life.

 

I hope other young girls understand that this is a reality in the Netherlands. That you can be treated like a criminal for your contribution to adding to the population of African people in the Netherlands. None of the family members died, but the situation is not getting better because racism is growing in the Netherlands. It affects us all, but in different ways.

 

People go down and sometimes they die in silence. Maybe naturally, but caused by racism. Racism is also deadly in the Netherlands. I wish I had known about this before I started my relationship. I thought my mother was an exception. This is the reality and the system in the Netherlands. I have played hide-and-seek long enough. I am now confronting Holland with my legacy. ”

 

Are you or do you know a victim of racism? You need not suffer, seek support. You can contact us at Peace Servant. At least you can tell your story. We give you our support. You are not alone.